500 million year 500-million-year-old Claywoman from the Mirillion Galaxy attended Yaga Gathering for the first time.

She may walk with a cane, have a craggy face, matted locks, and eat porcelain figures, but she has reigned as the pinnacle for the avant-garde before fish had feet, and in this era, is a well-known cult figure. Earlier in the evening, we heard her speak deep in the woods to an audience outside the Christmas House, where she invited us to consider suffering, evolution, and the ridiculousness of human history through her tender wit and cosmic detachment. Not to brag, though, but we did manage to save the planet for a quick moment; surely that is worth sharing.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Well, I would say my idea of perfect happiness is just sitting down and not getting up for at least 20 minutes, but then getting up for like four minutes and moving around in a circle and then getting back down again and remembering how great that was.

What is your greatest fear?

Windows

What trait do you most deplore in others?

I don’t like it when people knit.

Which living person do you most admire?
I really like this woman, Joanna, who lives in Seattle.

What is your greatest extravagance?

Well, you know, sometimes I’ll just go back and forth to the Mirillion Galaxy, like three times in a week, just for fun.


What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Patience, and it’s funny for me to say, really.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My skin was a choice that I made to come to Earth. I thought it would work out really well. It’s fine, I don’t like to complain about it, but I wish I picked a different skin. I was trying to blend in. Yesterday it was very dry.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
It’s funny, I talk all the time, and I can’t remember what I say. What do I say, I say, things like, you know, um, well, I always say things like, close your eyes, you know, turn your head this way. Turn your head that way, and I’m sick of it , and when and where were you happiest.

Which Talent would you most like to have?

I really wish that I could scuba dive.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I’ve had 500 million years to accept myself, I love that.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

You know, it’s funny, honestly, just coming to Earth so often and not becoming a topic of international entry, you know, because that is an extraterrestrial you think it would be a bigger deal, but I’m able to just go to a festival speak here or there, and you think it would be front page news, but no one seems to care, and I love that.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be?

The first thing that came to mind was aphid. I don’t like that, but why did I think of it? I don’t even agree with my own answers.

What is the most treasured possession?

My cane, I really like my cane, it’s very sentimental.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

I’ve met a lot of them on the way from Jesus to Karl Marx to Marie Curie, but I would say Janice Ian.

Who are your heroes in real life in real life?
My friends, you know all the people I meet along the way.

What is your greatest regret?

You know, honestly, the 100 million years I spent married to Sinister Gray, it was bad, but it’s fine.

Thank you so much!

Photography by Leva Jura and Adomas Luksa courtesy of Yaga Gathering